What a Life!

My dad passed away this past week.  December 22 to be exact.  Nineteen years to the day that my maternal grandmother passed.  My mom and sisters asked me if I wanted to speak at the funeral.  I did but just wasn't sure if I could get through it.  I wrote down what I wanted to say, just in case I couldn't do it.  The words came easy and were easy to give.  To all who impacted my dad's life and to all he impacted, I'm eternally grateful. Here is the text of what I said.......

I’ve been thinking of this day for a few years now.  The older dad got, the more I realized this day was coming.  No matter how much we wish to the contrary, our loved ones will not be with us here on earth forever.  So for the past few years, I’ve been thinking about what I would say when this time came.  My dad didn’t travel a lot.  He was content to live here in Bogue Chitto his entire life.  He had no desire to move. He lived 80 years in virtually the same spot.  We lived in the old home place across the street from where mom and dad live now until I was about 10 or 11.  We built the house they live in now across the street and just moved over there.  He attended Bogue Chitto Baptist Church for all of his 80 years.  He never had a desire to be anywhere else.

So my mind wondered, what kind of impact can a person make whom hardly ever leaves the place where he was born? Dad was a simple man.  He never really did anything extraordinary according to the world’s standards. He didn’t need a lot of the things many of us “need.”  He could get by without the latest gadgets, unless it was a new harmonica.  He rarely raised his voice.  Someone came thru the receiving line last night and said that they had never heard him raise his voice.  I told them I only heard it once.  It wasn’t directed at me, thankfully, or any of my family.  It was of all places at a little league baseball game.  I played my first two years of little league at Keystone Field for Herring Gas.  We were playing our hated rivals, Coke, one night.  I was playing first base.  A ball was hit to our shortstop who threw low to me which caused me to have to fall forward after I caught the ball.  The umpire called the runner safe.  Wow, what did he do that for.  Several people, including my dad, lit in to him.  We lost the game, and as we were walking out dad continued to tell the umpire how wrong he was in his call.  When he was done, I really felt bad for the umpire.

Dad was an honest man who lived an honest life.  After he left Love’s TV in Brookhaven, he opened his own TV shop here in Bogue Chitto. He charged modestly for his services.  He could have charged a lot more than he did, but he felt that giving people good service, at a good price was payment enough.  He never got rich by the world’s standards, but that’s not why he did what he did.  

So back to my question.  What kind of impact can that person make?  For the last few days, I’ve listened to you. Everyone who has come by the house, every one who has come thru the receiving line, every comment, every memory.  Ecclesiates 7:1 says, A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of one’s death than the day of one’s birth.  John David came over to the house to visit on Friday morning, and he shared how dad had impacted his life and the lives of many of the younger people in the church.  I talked to dad last Sunday.  We talked about his health.  I told him that when I’m 80 I hope that I could get around half as well as he did.  As I hear every memory from you all, I also pray that when I’m 80 I’ll have impacted even half as many people as he did.  His family is his legacy.  You all here today are his legacy. Thank you for being a part of his story, thank you for being a part of my story.  As many of you know, Dad loved to sing.  Thank you for making his life a beautiful melody. 

Living in the Wake....Part 1

    

It’s been years since I have water ski’ed.  I’ve done it a few times and really enjoyed it.  I want to say I was good at it, but there are two things you really need to be good at water skiing, 1)Access to water, and 2) Access to a boat, two things that I have not had ready access to over the past few years.

As boats rumble through the water, they leave a wake behind them.  If you cross someone else’s wake, your ride is going to be a little bumpy, well, a lot bumpy.  Riding in a smooth wake allows for a great ride, a great run and makes you want to get up and do it again.  A bumpy wake or a rough ride makes harder to really enjoy it.

I was listening to the EntreLeadership podcast this past week.  One of the special guests was Dr. Henry Cloud.  Dr. Cloud is the author of a number of great leadership books.  He made the comment that, as leaders, we all leave a wake behind us.  Much like a boat running through the water, we leave a wake wherever we go.  What happens when we are not around or after we have left determines what kind of wake we leave for others.

What kind of wake are you leaving?  One way you can answer that question, according to Dr. Cloud, is to listen to what people are saying after you leave.  And it’s not just when you leave a job for a new job, how about when you leave your shift for the day, or as the Owner of a business, what are your employees saying about you after you leave? 

When people look at the schedule, do they sigh and say, “I have to work with him today?” Are they excited about getting work and seeing your name beside theirs?  Are you creating a positive impact on those around you?  Now, that doesn’t mean that you are a “yes” man, or that you just do things to make people like you. 

Leave a positive wake for those who come behind you.  Leave a wake in which others want to ride.  I know you are asking yourself, “Joel, how do I do that?”  I’m glad you are asking yourself that because that is the correct question.  Here are a few ways that you can do that.

1. Grow yourself.

Every day you need to take time to grow yourself.  That’s easier said that done.  It takes intentionality.  It takes dedication.  It takes setting goals and reaching them.  One reason we don’t grow as people is because we don’t dedicate ourselves to do it. How do we grow ourselves? 

First, read.  Read books, articles, blogs, etc.  Read for fun, but also read for growth.  Read books that enhance where you want to be in life.  Read authors that will allow you to add to your life experience.  But not only that, read books that you don’t necessarily agree with.  When I was in Seminary, I took an Old Testament Survey course.  It took it in a seminar form, in other words, we only met for a week but we had a few months to read the required books and do the assigned work before we came to class.  I picked up the books on the reading list and dove into them.  Partially through one of the books, I closed it, put it down and almost never picked it up again.  It challenged my point of view.  I wondered why I would be reading something in a seminary class that contradicted everything we believed about the bible and biblical interpretation.  Then it hit me.  Maybe the professor knew more than me.  Maybe there was method to his madness.  Maybe his purpose was to introduce us to challenging views in order to grow us and to reinforce what we already knew and believed.  Turns out, my hunch was correct.  I knew the professor pretty well and went to talk to him about that particular book and its inclusion in our reading list.  He said, in essence, that if we never read books that challenged our views and only those that agreed with our position, we might grow stagnant.  How true that is.  When we miss those with alternate viewpoints, we miss opportunities for growth.  If reading an alternate view makes you question your views about a certain position, did you really have a strong viewpoint to begin with?  It’s a question worth pondering.

Second, do something new.  When we do the same things every day, day in and day out, we grow stagnant.  Learn something new.  Attempt something you’ve always feared.  Challenge yourself.  Step out of your comfort zone.

Part 2 of this blog coming later....Stay tuned...Same bat time, Same bat channel.

Hills, Hills, and more Hills........

I really hate hills.  And no I'm not specifically talking about my upcoming role as Charlie Cowell in Theatre Bristol's production of The Music Man.  As Charlie Cowell, I really do hate hills, Harold Hill, but I guess that is a post for another day.  Getting back to the topic at hand, I really really really really really hate the hills.  Did I type enough “reallys”? I really do.  When I used my treadmill more frequently, I could map out my route or use a route that iFit had already suggested.  If the route had a steep incline or a lot of inclines, I could easily skip it and run one of my “go to” routes that was flat and fast.  I sold my treadmill a couple weeks ago, so now I have to force myself to get out of the house to go run.  The closest, safest place to run right now is two miles from my house at Warriors Path State Park.  The only issue with that is that the official 5k course at Warriors has……dom dom dom…you guessed it a hill.  And not just a hill,  a HUGE hill.  When I started running back in 2010, I would go there frequently due to ease of access.  I hated the hill then, I still hate it.  Well, maybe I don’t hate it entirely.  I guess we can say I have a love/hate relationship with it.  I hate the hill before and during the climb.  I hate it cause it slows me down, especially after not running it for a while.  I hate it because it takes my breath, every ounce of my strength, and makes my legs sore.  I hate it for sooooo many reasons.

But in the end, I really love it.  I love it after I run because I know it has really made me stronger.  The energy I expend getting up the hill makes me better, makes me faster, and gives me the overall feeling that I can tackle any hill that comes my way.  I love it because it makes me sweat.  I love it because it forces me to work beyond my limits, and that is good for me.

When I think about life, I always tell people that life is like a marathon, not a sprint.  We encounter valleys, flat terrain, and, yes, hills.  I preached for 20 years that we do not grow on the flat terrain, or on the mountaintop.  We grow when we’ve been knocked down and climb our way back up. Don’t be discouraged when you do not get what you want.  Don’t be discouraged when you get knocked down.  Don’t be discouraged when you are facing something you don’t know how to handle.  You have the ability to scale the hill again and again and again. 

So, yeah, I have a love hate relationship with hills.  We all do.  Don’t avoid them.  Charge them head on.  Run them with purpose and find yourself at the top.

Embracing the Scary Stuff

Dan Cathy visited our restaurant on Thursday. His jacket read "Dan T. Cathy, Customer Service." When he is asked what he does at Chick-fil-A, he always replies, "I'm in Customer Service". While he does hold the title of CEO and President, he is exactly right. We are all in the customer service business. We strive to serve our guests in a way, that will influence them in a positive way.

His visit was heralded with very little fanfare, but with lots of excitement. Dan makes visits to the stores, as he can, so such a rare opportunity for him to be in Bristol was a great opportunity for us as a team to hear from such a great leader.

There was only one difference: Dan wasn't there for us to see him. He wasn't there to make a big show or to "check on us" in an operational way. He only took about 5 mins to tour the restaurant. No, Dan was there to listen to us. Several of us gathered around a couple of pulled together tables in the dining room, and one by one he went around the table asked us to share our Chick-fil-A story. And he listened, actively. Interested to get to know the team and to hear their stories. In an age when the younger generation are striving to be heard, the President of our company took time to listen. That is something they will never forget.

For many of our team members, this is a first job, a first foray into the wonderful world of work. Many of their stories are just starting, many of them have no plans to make Chick-fil-A their career path, and that's ok. We bring them in, train them, lead them, and release them to do whatever it is they are called to do. 

Haley, who serves on our prep team, probably said it best. She said it was scary trying something new, something she had never before attempted. Dan, actively listening, commented. 

He gave us a challenge to embrace the scary stuff. Do things that you've always wanted to do but never had the gumption to try. In embracing the scary stuff is where we find growth. It's where we find meaning in a world that gets routine at times. 

Take that chance. Make that call. Do that deed. Serve that person. Embrace the scary stuff and see what can happen in your life.

Cultivating Leadership

“Leadership is cultivated in the garden of adversity.”  I think I coined that phrase today.  I googled it and nothing like it came up in my search….sooooooo, I guess it’s mine.  I’ve been thinking a lot about change, leadership, adversity, and other topics the last week.  I know what leadership is.  Leadership is about influence and relationships and differs from management in the fact that management is about control.  People who desire to be leaders drift into management when they feel they have to control everything about everything.  I’ve worked alongside some of those…I’ve been that person in my life.

Adversity is a fact of life.  Everyone knows that adversity will find them at some point or another.  It’s how we handle those times of adversity that reveals our leadership level.  When under pressure do we slide into a more management role, start to control those things we can, and worry about the things we can’t?  Do we allow things to continue to spiral out of control?  Or do we lead from the front?  Do we allow what we have learned as a leader shine through?

Everything we face can be divided into three categories:

1.  Things within my power to change

2.  Things within my power to influence

3.  Things outside my power to change

Take out number three.  No sense worrying about things you cannot change, regardless of what it is.  That’s not to say that we should put our heads in the sand and not keep those things in the back of our minds.  These categories are fluid.  Things that are outside of our control sometimes move into our realm of influence and even into the realm of going within your power to change. 

Influence those situations and people with whom you can.  You can’t control them, but you can influence them in certain ways.  How we react to those people or situations show us how we grow as a leader. 

Change those things you can.  If you have direct responsibilities in a certain area, you can affect change in those areas.  Don’t change things for change’s sake, but do look for areas of opportunity to get better, to make you better, to make your team better.  Set goals for change and then work to meet those goals. 

The biggest area of opportunity lies within us.  We have the power to change us.  Read, learn, have conversations, all for the express purpose of growing yourself and your leadership potential.  Even what I call “trash reading,” reading that has nothing to do with your vocation or personal growth (reading for fun), can be used to glean truth. 

When adversity comes your way, ask yourself three questions before you act:

1.  Is this within my power to change?  If it is, set goals to change it.

2.  Is this within my power to influence but not change right away?  If it is, begin to influence in ways you can.

3.  Is this outside my power to change?  If it is, monitor the situation.  It may never move up the scale to be a situation you can change, but it might. 

Be open to feedback.  Ask those you trust, and those who have leadership over you to give you areas of opportunity to grow yourself. 

When adversity comes act, don’t react.  Work through it, and you will see your leadership potential grow.